The Holidays

I will spend several entries on this topic.  The holidays are especially difficult for loss, grief, death and anniversary dates. What do you do if your significant other chose that time of year to leave? What would you do? Cry?  Be hurt? Resist calling them?  Yes by all means do not call.  It would not be part of the grief process.  It would not help, it would terrify everyone.  Well you at least.  How much hurt can one person bring on you?  A world of hurt.  Relationships are not meant to be so hurtful and how do they get that way.  What happens?  People decide they do not like each other so they hurt one another.  They disengage from everything and everyone they knew.  They feel so alone.  They are alone even when around the other friends they have. 

Loss of A Child

I say often to people their is nothing like the loss of a child.  They have not lived their lives if they die very young and even if they live till their 40’s or 50’s the parents and siblings mourn so for their loved one.  See the unwritten rule is that parents are not suppossed to outlive their children.  Children are to grow and become more successful than their parents or follow their parents footsteps and inherit the family business.  Parents have such dreams for their children but sometimes things just go wrong.

When a child dies even prior to birth the parents are left with a heart wrenching pain and loss that is unexplainable to anyone.  They long for their child to be with them.  They feel the emptiness of the connection that exists between parent and child. Their is an unspoken connection that exists between parent and child that nothing and no one can fill.  I have heard people, (well meaning) often say God has a plan.  If you say this to the parent they may strike out at you.  

Loved ones must rely on their own strengths, we all have strengths.  If that strength is in singing than sing, if that strength is in developing software than develop.  If you write well, then write, express your anger it is very real.  Another of my sayings is simply this ….It is acceptable to be angry but is is never acceptable to express it all over anyone.

Breakups

Flowers.  What is the significance of the flowers you ask?  Is it a wedding? Is it a funeral?  Are they the expected gift in a love affair? Are they the missing token in your Valentine’s day or Mothers day?  Flowers speak a language of their own. 

When we have experienced a loss the flowers often represent the memories of having received them from our loved one.  Sometimes they invoke pain other times joy. At times the joy is filled with a sorrow for the loss we have experienced.  How do we tolerate the loss especially now that it has happened to us?  Now…is also close to the holidays.  Do we long for those holiday memories and wish they were back?  Do we seek out the places we visited together?  Do we avoid all we knew and keep to ourselves?  Do we seek the company of another?  All these questions run through our mind, interrupt our appetite or increase it invade our sleep with memories or nightmares. 

I created this to share thoughts, ideas, stories and so that at the end of each I will leave a thought on relationships. 

In the world of loss Journaling is a cathartic manner for dealing with our feelings.    It is in our expression of thoughts and feelings that we learn to manage our behavior.  I firmly believe if we are aware of our thoughts and feelings we will interrupt negative, hurtful or self destructive behavior. Relationships are indeed hurtful when we experience the loss but not while we experience the joy.  If there was joy at all recall it. Keep the thoughts positive. In that manner you will survive the loss. All can survive find your strength. 

Relationship Trauma

I was going to write some witty quote then decided this topic is oversimplified by quotes. It is traumatic to breakup with someone we love or even someone we think we hate. It is Trauma like other trauma and though it is experienced by many it is experienced on a very personal level. Relationships are the most important interactions of our lives . Does everyone experience traumatic effects in every relationship? I think not. I do believe each and every relationship impacts us by touching a part of our lives and emotions. We are often left with intense emotions we do not understand.